A voiding confrontation…

Nurses have enormous bladders! And they need to.  Long shifts spent helping sick patients with their toileting needs doesn’t always give you time for your own.

ICU nursing is worse! You have to plan your bladder relief around the intense care of your patient. And the availability of another nurse to continue the one to one care in your brief absence.

But it doesn’t’ matter how big your bladder is, sometimes when you gotta go… you gotta go!

Like the time I was in East Timor working with the United Nations on a health patrol.
There we were in the middle of nowhere. It was just me, my Warrant Officer and a couple of soldiers in a convoy of vehicles.

We’d travelled for hours through virgin terrain. Our vehicles were bumping and grinding their way through the jungle towards a few remote villages we needed to check on. (We were going to be the first white people they had ever seen!)

In the tropics, the heat has a way of sucking the sweat out of you like a vampire. So I needed to drink at least 6-7 litres of water each day to keep hydrated, stop cramps and blinding headaches.

And this particular day was no different! I had consumed two and a half litres since we started the trip… And I was feeling it!

The rough terrain was pushing my bladder control to its absolute limits.

Finally, the “road” smoothed out and we started to climb to the top of a mountain…then drove into a clearing where we were greeted by a locked gate.

The leader of the convoy said the land owner was meant to greet us, but was currently nowhere to be seen. It was a welcome break!

With my bladder about to burst, I quickly told my Warrant Office I was going to go to the “public toilet” I’d seen down the road. I scooped up my rifle and bolted down the road to a small bunch of bushes I’d seen.

They’d make the perfect screen to hide behind. But when I got there, I looked around and saw… Indonesia! Well, not all of it, but enough of it to know I shouldn’t drop my pants and “moon” them with my lily white butt. (East Timor was seeking its independence from Indonesia and relations were strained enough!)

So without too many options and a bladder threatening an imminent disaster… I opted to climb into the bushes for some privacy.

I found a small clearing and assumed the position.

As I squatted, feeling the wave of relief wash over me as I finally “broke the seal”… I heard a noise in front of me, and realized I was not alone.

Not missing a beat, I grabbed my rifle that was laying beside me. With pants down and a river of urine I couldn’t stop… I braced myself for the unknown.

A horrendous bellowing noise rushed toward me and as hard I tried, I couldn’t stop what I was doing. What had been started could not be stopped. The flood gates had been opened and there was no turning back!

A dark shadow charged right at me! And all I could do was squat there and hold my weapon in front of me.

Next minute, I was face to face with a wild pig. Its breath huffing and puffing onto my sweaty, terrified face.

I thought, if I couldn’t stop… perhaps I could just force the rest of the river out.
So in one fluid movement… I squeezed out the remaining wee, stood up, pulled up my pants and ran for my life! I had no idea if the pig was following me… and I didn’t care.

I ran up the road towards the vehicles, buttoning up my pants, as I bolted like an athlete toward the safety of the convoy.

My Warrant Officer, saw my distress and asked if I was okay. As I reached the vehicle I said “I didn’t know the toilet was engaged! I must have missed the sign! Just drive Thelma! Just drive!”

She laughed and said it was my turn to drive and I replied “My pleasure… let’s get the heck out of here.” I jumped in the driver’s seat and took off in a cloud of dust!
I hardly drank any water for the rest of the day. I’d had enough toilet trauma to last a lifetime!

So you’re probably wondering why I just shared this story with you? And you know me… I always have a reason. But you have to be honest… it is a pretty funny story!

Here’s this weeks…

Knowledge Nugget #92:
Your Perception Is Not Universal
And It Is Not An Accurate Representation Of Reality


Now, I need to point out something you may have missed in the subject line. Or you may have thought it was an error. Either way, unless you have a medical background you probably missed it. (To me, it’s probably one of the funniest subject lines I’ve ever written.)

The word “void” means… urinate, pee, wee or micturate (to wee.)

But I wonder how many people read it as “Avoiding confrontation,” when it was actually… “A voiding confrontation.”

We all read what we think is there or in some cases what we think should be there. (You should see what I see sometimes! It’s hilarious and at times… disturbing!)

We also read situations according to our B.S. (Belief Systems.) And this B.S. can cause any number of problems.

Our perception is not always true to the situation or what is really happening.

So I guess the big take away for this email is… did you read what was there or what you wanted to be there.

Now as for the story, there were a few valuable take aways which I’ll share with you now:

  • Don’t start what you can’t finish
  • Natural abilities have their limits
  • Don’t make a scene or antagonize people if you don’t have to
  • Bladders are only the size of a pee (well, what else would be in there?)
  • Stories involving body functions and noises are always funny

I hope you enjoyed this wee bit of wisdom from The Copy Alchemist Archives.

Until next week… take care and pee safe : )

Pauline xxx

Pauline Longdon
a.k.a. “The Copy Alchemist”

P.S. Don’t worry, I won’t share too many stories about my toilet habits. Not that squatting in the middle of a foreign country ever became a habit for me. Guys really have an advantage when it comes to “travel peeing!”

But there is a resourcefulness that happens when you don’t have the best equipment in these situations. And sometimes it leads to some interesting encounters with great lessons.

P.P.S. Rae brought back a souvenir from her trip to East Timor. She has Dengue Fever which is a nasty little virus. It also turns out she had Ross River Fever in the past (it’s quite a collection she has going on!)

So I am having to scale down my work load for a month while Rae recovers. She needs me to be there for her and I want to be there for her.

If you do need any copywriting done, I have a trusty group of copywriters I’m working with and Copy Chiefing. I can put you in contact with them.

P.P.P.S. Perception is a funny thing. Sometimes it’s easy to get upset about what you think is happening because you only have your own world view to look at. Sometimes, it’s good to look at both sides to get a complete view.

That way, you’ll know for sure if it’s… “a voiding confrontation” or “avoiding confrontation!” Because there’s a BIG difference between the two!

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